Just Open the Door

Why do I try when it seems I will just mess it up?

Each time I feel
Like he’s giving up,
Little by little
And one day…

He will simply stop loving me.

Maybe one day
He won’t return.

The things I try to do
To show I care
Don’t count to him.

They are not
The things
He had in mind.

I didn’t do the right thing.

I didn’t open the damn door.

It was one of those moments…

If I had simply waited
Another five minutes…

None of this would ever
Have happened.

Our night may have ended beautifully
The way we both wanted it to.

But…

I didn’t open the door.

And now the night
Is lost at sea,
Being pushed and shoved
By currents of Anger,
Disappointment,
Hurt Feelings,
Damaged Pride.

He sits there in the kitchen silently…

And I can hear the thoughts
Of regret
Over having ever
Met me
As loudly and clearly
As if he was
Shouting them
In my face.

I will forever remember
This night.

The night
When I let him down,
Again.

I cried and
He yelled.

All because
I didn’t open the door.

And now…
I’m afraid…
It can never be opened again.

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The Answers to Difference

I wonder if we will ever take the leap, take the risk, into¬†difference. I think we hold ourselves back in our own ways. Maybe me more than him… I don’t know. We struggle with whether we should just be grateful for what we have — as society has always told us to be — or whether we should nurture our discontent and strive for what we want, despite the challenges.

I don’t know the answers.

I don’t know if I ever will.

The Wounded

While walking alone
Amongst the bare trees
With dried tears
Upon my cheeks,
The frigid air burning my
Throat and lungs,
I meandered through
The quiet community.

I looked for nothing
Yet found so much
In the vulnerable forest.

Near a stream stood
The tallest, most Awe-inspiring
Sycamore
I had ever seen.

I peered up to the top
Of the Grand Old Tree,
Standing strong against the
Bitter winds
And the gray winter sky.

My eyes scanned the height of the tree
From top to bottom.

When I stared
Straight ahead I saw
The markings
Of thoughtless
Humans…

Hearts and Declarations
Of Love
Littered the trunk
Of the Majestic Being.

I placed my hands
Upon the deep wounds
And transferred
All the healing thoughts
I could muster
Through my cold fingertips.

“I feel your pain as if
It were my own…”

How could such a
Beautiful Creature
Be harmed in such a way?

I laid my my cheek upon
The source of the tree’s
Strength
And tried to absorb its
Resiliency.

I admired how it wore
Its wounds, its pain, its vulnerability
And yet did not seem
At all phased by them.

I detested the lack
Of benevolence and respect
In this World.

I stood with the tree
Until the stars came out
And my body was numb
With the cold.

I could feel nothing
Of my physical self
Except my Aching Heart.

Tenderly, I wrapped and bandaged
Its wounds with
The gray woolen scarf
From around my neck.

I bid my companion a sorrowful farewell
And I promised to return
To the place that felt
Like Home.

Stepping away,
I looked back
For one last look at
The Being I had felt closer to
Than any other.